Dope Ain't Dope

Addiction runs in my family, so it shouldn't have been a surprise when it happened to me in late 2010.. But then again is it ever something that is easy to accept when you find out a loved one is on drugs? I should have known that when I lived in Florida that I started gaining some alcoholic tendencies, but I thought "Oh Im just young and having fun". But when those same tendencies came back up a year later and this time cocaine was added to the mix it was a different story but I still didn't think I had a problem. I fought my family tooth and nail about them sending me to rehab. Once I got to rehab, I loved it, I loved the people, I loved how I felt. I felt like me again. I didn't want to leave the rehab facility. Well fast forward to June of 2011, I took a really big adult step in my life and signed the lease to my first apartment. Things were going great, I finally felt like I was accomplishing something. Fast forward to August 2011.. My long time friend Jenny called me and said she had someone she wanted to introduce me to and asked if it was alright if she gave him my number. I said sure.. Now I wasn't actively looking for someone to be in a relationship with, but I wasn't gonna turn it down. We really hit it off.. I should have stopped it at the beginning because he's got a drug problem... Weed, pills, and according to him a meth problem.. And I know from personal experience with him he dabbled with cocaine.. And he got arrested in my car for possession of cocaine.. MOST women would have been smart enough and moved on the minute their boyfriend got arrested(considering he and I had only been together a month and a few days).. But no not I.. I stuck around.. Weed and pills were all I seemed to be around.. It was note cute.. Or a healthy environment to be in considering I have a problem with addiction.. Well besides the occasional pill and very rare weed smoking and some alcohol I have been clean from drugs for almost 6 months.. Easy does it, take it one day at a time.

Death ends a life.. Not a relationship

So as I said in my RE-introduction, my cousin Chris passed away in November 2009 from an accidental drug over dose. His death was and still is hella hard to deal with Though him and I didn't have a consistently close relationship we were working on it prior to his death.. The kind of relationship Chris and I had was the kind of relationship where it didn't matter how little or long we went without talking we would always be able to come up with something to talk about. I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him. As I also said in the RE-introduction I had a drug problem in 2010 which sent to rehab.. I think in some way his passing sent me down that road.. Not that it was right or anything, but it was a way for me to cope. So that I wouldn't have to feel the pain that came from him not being around anymore. But I will post more about that part of my life in a different post. As a way to remember my cousin and to pay my respects I got my very first tattoo in dedication to him..

Hello.. Let me RE-introduce myself.

Hello fellow readers,

My name is Ashley I'm 25, I love music, friends, make up perfume, Justin Bieber(DON'T JUDGE ME), and I am starting my life over.. I know it's been a very hot minute since I last posted.. Let's just say that besides procrastination getting the best of me, my life has been one hell of an crazy roller coaster for me.. Here's a brief of what my life has consisted of since I last posted.. Well I graduated from high school in May of 2009(late, but better late than never), In June of 2009 I took a vacation to Florida with my graduation money to see some family.. Then in August of 2009 I moved there to be with my family.. Due to lack of employment and room mate issues I moved back to Georgia(home state)in October 2009, then had to go back to Florida for my cousin Chris' funeral... Now fast forward to 2010, September 2010, I formed a drug problem, so in November of 2010 I went to rehab.. I got out of total rehab in January 2011. Well after that I moved into my very first apartment in June 2011.. Then in August I met a guy who would quickly become my boyfriend he moves in(when I say quick I MEAN it. We met Friday August 12th, Hung out Saturday August 13, talked on the phone for the next 2 days and he came to my house on Tuesday August 16th and pretty much moved in because I didn't want him to go, and since he didn't leave I'm taking it as he didn't want to leave.. Well I just recently got out of that very unhealthy relationship.. I wont go into major details right now, I will post a post later about that.. But I am pretty much just trying to get back to who I was before the relationship and who I was in the very beginning of the relationship.. My blog will be one hell of a Bi-Polar read for y'all. I plan on posting anything that I feel is worthy of a post. I hope I don't scare anyone off. Anyway, until the next post, I hope all is well with y'all.

Sincerely,

Ashley